I honestly don’t know. I would like to believe I would do what anyone would, and protect myself and others and if someone has to die then so be it. I just don’t know…
My Sunday is being chased by the mistakes of Saturday.
I passed my rite of passage as a sailor and went drinking (more or less the first time) last night…
I am not going to say I didn’t have fun, because I most definitely did—but I am going to alter the way I conduct myself in that environment next time.
On Christmas night, a fellow sailor and I…”bonded” pretty intimately and I thought there was more than what happened. It is nearly impossible for me to be intimate without attaching to the person, you know?
Well we went out last night with another friend and relaxed. I wanted to get him to be honest and see what he was like personally (I have only known him for a few weeks), and it turns out we are from two different worlds. I know literally knowing about weed, cars, or hardcore drinking.
As for now, we are really good “bros” and I am here trying to learn what it like to be gay in the Navy…out here in the big wide world.
Sometimes it would be easier if I didn’t have morals and just wanted to fuck like everyone else!
As it turns out, the sailor mentioned above, isn’t gay but—I mistakenly thought he was by his advances and flirting…
Last night, he was just very condescending…he thought down on me and looked at me like an older brother does to his little brother when he is forced to teach him about life.
I just want someone to share this journey with…someone who wants a relationship and can be intimate without caring what others think and most of all…doesn’t loath God.